On KIDS and how as parents we can help them best be successful in life
Hi, this is a great question from Melinda Struzynski and I am very glad that you have asked this question. She says my friends and I feel like our children are experiencing some not so perfect situations such as bad grades, being addicted to junk food, anger issues etc. and as parents we are always trying to help and guide them but it often feels like you are just beating a dead horse. Can you talk about the children of today and how we as parents can help them best to be successful in life?
And I can only encourage you to become more like a catalyst that is not getting involved very much in the process of educating your children, but let them educate themselves. This is something that many parents do not want to do because they think they are responsible for what their children do, for the mistakes that they might make, for the trouble that they might get into, but if you try to manipulate children and try to conform them into citizens that are just learning how to obey and to be limited, to remain within the scope of the so-called lawful behavior, then we might may just achieve the opposite.
If we learn to let them have freedom as much as we can give it to them, even the monetary restrictions for example, the living conditions where you live and so on, but giving them as much freedom as possible as early as possible will allow them to get their frustration and perhaps anger, out of the system much more quickly and it allows them to start a life where they can feel self-responsible for their own actions, for making their own choices and so on.
So, the problem with today’s kids is that they are emotionally and psychologically and spiritually so far advanced, so different than when we started off as children, that we cannot really compare what we have learned, and apply that with other children and apply that to them, because when we do that we restrict them so severely that they start to rebel, and as soon as a person rebels against something, he is not able to receive even useful information, beneficial advice, from the parents and he will get into that defensive mechanism where he evolves or develops a shield, a protective shield that prevents parents from assaulting them because, they perceive the sort of advice that parents give to them, even if it is well intentioned, they perceive it as a threat, as an attack, and so they develop this protective mantle around them which will then show up as eating junk food, comfort food, drinking sweet things, beverages, so that they can drown the bitterness of what parents are trying to make them do.
It is important for parents to allow children to make their mistakes while they are still with them and not to get upset when they do make mistakes, because it is not about you, the parent, it is about the children, and mistakes are often taken too seriously because I consider mistakes some of the best things a person can do. Because we can learn more from mistakes than from other things, and I have made plenty of mistakes in my like and I did not turn out to be a bad person, they actually have helped me to become a better person, if you so will and so I would.
And I had a lot of experience years ago with two teenage girls I raised… I helped raise… and they were very, very obnoxious, very angry with their mother, they were very aggressive, and the mother could not manage them, could not control them, and they did all the naughty things. And my advice to the mother was to let them be, because otherwise you already are so estranged from them that it will turn out to become such a hateful relationship between you and your girls, that it is better to completely relinquish all need that you have to control them, to conform them, to protect them, because you are obviously not protecting them, they do things anyway… the things that they want to do. But then that can lead to accidents, disasters, getting involved with drugs and alcohol, staying out late, not coming home and so on, so, it is better to give them that freedom that they seek, let it get out of their systems and they will come back to you and this is exactly what happened.
So by allowing children to make their own choices,,, they do not have to have good grades, we know now what happens when you have good grades, it does not necessarily means they are going to get a job… you do not want to educate them to look for a job that they get hired by someone else, you want to increase and nurture and support the creative genius that they have. Every child has something in them that they are fascinated by, that they are excited about, that they have a passion for, and parents’ only role in my opinion is to nurture that that already exists in them, to support what they are interested in. It does not matter if it is video games or whatever, just allow them to have that experience, and if it is perceived by you as a nuisance, something that is bad for the children, that is only your judgment that you have and it does not necessarily mean that it is true.
I have seen many young kids spending a lot of time on video games and they got in touch with a part of themselves that they had not been, they could not have the chance to come in touch with, without those video games, and once they passed through that phase they became wonderful kids, very, very balanced.
So it is self-education that kids are going through, they know what they need to look at, the parts of duality, the darkness of their own inner essence which is important to embrace for them just as it is to embrace the good sides, the light sides. We are, after all, not just one sided beings,n we are not just light beings but we are also dark beings, we have a shadow side to us and it is important for children at an early age to find these dark areas in them and to love and accept them, and if, parents expose these dark parts and denounce them and try to stop them from expressing those deeper darker areas, it will have a detrimental effect on the growth of the child
So allow them to experience those, express them whichever way they want to do that and see them as something useful, because the sooner children express and except their darker parts, their darker sides, the sooner they will step out of them and become balanced individuals for the rest of their lives and this is something that I think every parent really wants for their children.
So I hope this gives you a little bit of a clue of how to deal with children, that we do not have to fit them in boxes, they do not have to have good grades… my grades were terrible and so I did not turn out to be a person who was unable to develop his creativity. I always chose the things that I felt were giving me the greatest pleasure and these were the things that allowed me to be the most successful in, and so the same holds true for every child. Give them the freedom that they choose while they are still with you and things will turn out just fine.
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